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“I could lose my job, you know.” My voice felt far away and small. It was a practical thought, not an emotional one, and it felt like someone else saying the words.“What? No! It was me, not you!”“Won’t matter to the ethics committee. My gallery, my student… my husband.”“It’s not like we even fucked! I just used my hand -““No!” The room took a sudden lurch sideways. “No, god, please, no details!” I closed my eyes and gripped the table, but the image of Alan sneaking off to the closet with Madison flickered across my wine-addled brain just the same. I saw them kissing, saw his hand running up her leg and disappearing under her skirt… When I opened my eyes again, the tears poured down my cheeks. The room was spinning in earnest now, but I took a defiant gulp of wine. I was suddenly exhausted, sapped of all energy.“What happens now?” Alan asked, finally.I shook my head. “I don’t know.”“We can fix this. People get past this kind of thing.”“Fuck, Alan! I said I don’t know!” With the last of. That’s the difference.”“I came home, didn’t I?”“What do you mean, you came home.”“You know what I mean. You have been in hospital and I know exactly why but I still came home to you. Surely that must mean something to you.”She started to cry. All was quiet for some time. I was wondering if I had overdone it. Every time that I made a stand with her she found some way to punish me. I started wondering what my punishment would be this time.“So I got pregnant. So what? I got rid of it. Surely that must mean something to you? I got rid of my own baby so that I could keep you but where were you? Down south rooting your little whore, that’s where.”“She’s not a whore. If there is any whore here it is you. You’re the one that goes out almost every day of every week looking for bigger and bigger cocks to satisfy yourself.”“That’s right, I do but do you understand that if I didn’t we would not be together.”“How do you work that out?”“I’ll put it to you straight. You cannot keep me sexually.
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